Ch. 23: Mother Knows Best

June 26, 2011 at 10:41 am | Posted in Generation 6 | 5 Comments

Previous: I Just Can’t Wait to be King

Peter: “WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME MOM WAS PREGNANT?”

Rapunzel: “Why would anyone have to tell you? Don’t you have eyes? She was as big as my tower!”

Peter: “I should still have been notified. She gave birth to twins, for Christ’s sake.”

Thanks for the intro, kids.

Rapunzel: “Hold up! This ain’t settled yet. What do you mean you should have been notified? What’s so special about you?”

I’ll answer that for you. Absolutely nothing.

Moving on.

I hate babies. Srsly. Especially twin babies. That’s why they are toddlers now.

Aladdin: “Round block goes in… pointy hole? BUT WHICH ONE? D:”

Belle: “Idiot. I wud hav gotten dat block in da rite hole b4 u cud ask me 2 b ur guest.

It’z obvouslee the left 1.”

Aladdin: “I’m tewing Mama u calld me dat.”

Belle: “u cant tell hur if ur napping”

Aladdin: “napping? but i not sleepy”

Belle: “u will b wen i hit u wit dis stick”

The air today smells oddly of sibling rivalry.

I guess it’s to be expected when you have five kids in one house.

Except for Ariel. She does nothing but draw sluts all day.

Ariel: “Look at all-“

The fucks you give, I know, I know.

Rapunzel: “I’m obviously the best child. I can play an instrument, invent things, and now cook, among other things.”

Rapunzel: “BAM! Perfect quality muffin. I bet Peter couldn’t do that.”

Peter can’t do anything, just ignore him.

Rapunzel: “I will… while I’m making millions of dollars selling my AWESOME muffins to AWESOME people because I’m AWESOME.”

… Yeah, I guess.

Speaking of awesome…

Or not awesome.

Simba: “Holy shit I’M ON FIRE”

REALLY?!

And here I am, thinking you’re shitting ice.

Simba: “This shower better be fucking fixed, or I swear to God that repairman will wake up tomorrow morning choking to death on pancakes.”

And who is going to do that? Not you, obviously, because you’d be dead.

Simba: “SCREW YOU”

Simba: “Water, I have never been so grateful for your existence.”

Well you should be, your body and the world are 3/4 water.

Simba: “Let’s not get all science-y here.”

I DO WUT I WANT

Especially since your little charade cost me over a hundred bucks for “unnecessarily” calling the fire department.

Simba: “Cry about it some more, will you?”

Oh, I will.

Nala: “Come on, little death flower bush, live and I will give you all the water and sunlight you could ever dream of.”

Nala: “DAMN IT”

I swear, it has not yet been ten seconds.

Simba: *COUGH*”I like to think it was around twenty.”*COUGH*

Get in the damn shower.

Simba: “Right ahead of you!”

Nala: “Oh fuck.”

Nala: “That’s some expensive aged Scottish whiskey right there. I would have gotten down on my knees and licked it off the carpet if I had dropped it.”

Whiskey? In a cup that big? How do you manage to get it all down?

Nala: “It wasn’t easy at first, but after it burned my taste buds and esophagus the first couple of times, it’s just like drinking water.

Except for the fact that a while after I consume it, I forget that I have five kids and my life sucks.”

… You should probably go get help.

Nala: “Fuck it.”


Nala: “Bottom’s up.”

Nala: “Damn… that is the last time I drink before I have to go out on the job.”

Wow! Making progress towards a sober life already. That was quick!

Nala: “I didn’t say I was quitting, just that I wouldn’t do it before I have to work. I’ll wait until after I’m done.”

Oh, look! Ariel’s not drawing! She stopped to do… something that’s equally lame and uninteresting.

Ariel: “Nononono… the next note in ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ is this one. See? The one that’s green like the fin that’s amputating my hand.”

Please, no more fires.

Simba: “You think I want them anymore than you do? I’m the one that gets lit up like charizard…”

Townspeople: “WE HATE RADIOACTIVE GHOSTS”

Gracey: “Awkward…”

Oh look! An angry protest against Gracey! What a great place to…

Rapunzel: “Set up my bake sale! :D”

Um… I was thinking more along the lines of persuading Gracey to commit suicide, but now I can’t do that with a child watching.

Thanks.

Gracey: “Yeah, thanks.”

F U

BACK AT HOME:

… We have a happy Peter?

That must only mean one thi-

Peter: “IT’S MY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYY HURRRRRRRRR”

The burst of happiness that goes through him on his birthdays is foreign to his brain sensors, so it makes him slightly retarded.

Peter: “That wasn’t funny, and btw, this birthday party SUCKS”

Yes it was, and I don’t give a damn. I’m just thankful that YOU’RE UGLY :D

Now go eat your damn cake.

Simba: “FINALLY, I HAVE FINISHED MY TIME MACHINE”

… For midgets.

Simba: “It’s compact size. Better for the environment.

Anyways brb. Going to the past.”

Nice-

Simba: “Don’t even.”

I was going to say nice belt, sheesh.

Very Templar-y.

So how’d the bake sale go?

Rapunzel: “I haven’t counted the money yet, hold on! Let’s take a looky inside… Oh, funny. Who was the wise guy that put a button in here?”

Sooo the total tally is…?


Rapunzel: “You know what? This whole bake sale was a stupid idea… It was Peter’s idea, actually, so no wonder it didn’t work. I’m going to go back to making robots.”

Rapunzel: “Let’s go home.”

:'(

Anita (Drizella’s oldest daughter): “I thought this bar only served non-alcoholic drinks.”

Nala: “I thought your mom only served non-alcoholic drinks.”

Anita: “My mom just died. Thanks for being a bitch about it.”

Nala: “UR FACE JUST DIED LOL”

What happened to not drinking before you have to work?

Nala: “This is an exception. I’m drinking in remembrance of my dead step-sister.”

I think a little champagne would do…

Nala: “Nope, nah. For an occasion like this, you need to take out the big guns.”


Rapunzel! You’re on fire! WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST STANDING THERE?! GO TAKE A SHOWER!

Rapunzel: “No.”

Rapunzel: “I like it.”

You’re literally one foot away from grass, couldn’t you have just drilled there?

Simba: “ONLY A REAL MAN CAN DRILL THROUGH CONCRETE”

Simba: “EUREKA BITCHES”

Just don’t fall down there, be careful.

Simba: “Yeah, okay. I’m going to search this cavern so hard-“

Simba: “SHIT”

WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

HAS ALICE TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?

Simba: “Don’t-Don’t just leave me here!”

Uh, why not?

Simba: “Because there are all sorts of scary things down there! Like mad hatters and drugged-up caterpillars.”

Uh, wrong. The Mad Hatter is no longer down there. He was co-founder of this legacy.

Now I think you deserve to go down there. C ya.

Simba: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo saveee meeeeeeee”

Rapunzel: “It’s my birthday!”

Oh, so you’re not dead?

Rapunzel: “Of course not; my hair has magical healing powers, duh.”

Oh… Oh dear.

Rapunzel: “What? What’s wrong? I don’t like the sound of that.”

Nothing! It’s just that… ah…

Your beauty is… unparalleled, Rapunzel.

Rapunzel: “THANKS :D”

A wild GHASTLY appeared!

Nala: “The hell? I thought this thing was supposed to detect ghosts?”

It does. Good luck capturing ghastly. I was never able to do it when I played Pokemon Red.*

*True story

Belle: “IT’S MY BIRFFDAYYYY!”

Aladdin: “It’s our birffday. Anyways, how you have to stop ignoring us and take pictures of us as kids!”

Right… and then I can go back to ignoring you.

Gotcha.

Belle: “Hahahah… I got the awesome toy this time.”

You could share, you know.

Belle: “What? Where you talking to me? Sorry, I don’t pay attention to people below my station.”

Arrogant princess bitch.

Aladdin: “I was hoping you would dress me in the Prince Ali clothes…”

Why would I do that when I could make you look homeless?

Come on.

Ariel: “Uh, hello, it’s also my birthday.”

Too many damn birthdays in this chapter.

We already know you’re not going to be ugly, so we can do without yours.

So apparently I didn’t take any pictures between the last one and this one. Oops.

Anyways, Ariel is now a young adult in the fashion designer profession.

Ariel: “Yeah, so we’re going to have to give you a haircut.”

Guy: “But, I barely have any hair as it is, why do you want to take more away?”

Ariel: “No silly. Not the type of haircut where you take away hair, the kind where you grow it back.”

Guy: “I see… Actually, no, I don’t see at all.”

Ariel: “Just trust me.”

Guy: “You are a fashion WIZARD. Look at how slim this Hawaiian print makes me look!”

Guy: “I would so have sex with myself.”

Good, because that’s all the action you’re gonna get from now on.

So since our last slave butler mysteriously disappeared into the night, I had to hire a new one.

Her name’s Nikola, or something that sounds just as Russian.

In Soviet Russia… *is shot*

Is it sad when I cheer because my butler is cleaning?

;_;

Rapunzel: “JESUS. Who was the asshole who put peas in the pancakes?”

Peter: “Don’t like it? MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN PANCAKES NEXT TIME”

If you are not completely retarded couldn’t tell, my sims aren’t all that ugly.

SO, I decided to put some sims from Twinbrook into Riverview because they all look like they inbreed, and I could really use some incestral offspring in my legacy.

Speaking of, this is Chase Bayless, who is famous for looking like a boy when she is actually a girl.

Peter: “Hey bb, I like your… vest.”

Chase: “Oh, you’re so dreamy~”

Peter: “I can’t believe you just made me do that. Now I’m going to vomit all over Rapunzel.”

Rapunzel? What does she have to do with this?

Peter: “You didn’t make her flirt with anyone who fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”

Oh, but she will.

Trust me.

God DAMMIT.

TOO MANY MOTHERFUCKING KIDS IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING TOWN

Simba: “You already used that joke.”

You, sir, are a fun-ruiner.

Simba: “You’re gonna pay for that.”

Oooo, famous last words.

Simba: “I should have seen that coming.”

Simba: “I’m glad my family cares.”

Well, the butler cares enough to LEAVE DINNER COOKING ON THE STOVE.

FUCK

Grimdiana Jones: “Alright, Simba, let’s make this quick since the rest of your family is at risk of dying in a fire.”

Simba: “Just get me out of this hell hole.”

Bye Simba!

Ariel: “I JUST WANT SOME DAMN FOOD THAT’S ALL I WANT”

Well, isn’t this funny?

Nikola is putting out Ariel, who caught on fire, while Ariel is putting out the stove fire, which is the fire that Nikola started in the first place.

INCEPTION~

(But not really)

Firewoman: “Glad to see you managed to put the fire out yourself, now where’s my 150 simoleons?”

Screw you and your stupid Face 1.

Nikola: “That was a close one! You almost died!”

Ariel: “Yeah… from a fire you started.

I’ll get my revenge…”
——————————————————————————————————–
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN

Wow. Three old people deaths in a row!

It’s like a Deathapalooza! :D

Anyways, get ready for Generations next chapter.

ARE YOU EXCITED?

5 Comments »

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  1. another update!
    are you going to get someone a imaginary friend next chapter?
    /excited for ariel’s revenge

  2. Yeah, you were right, Ariel disappointed me. But Peter might not! :D

  3. How can you not make any ugly children??
    You should start a prettacy instead

  4. ROFL, I’ve had uglier children than this without trying! Although, I do have to say that Rapunzel and Peter look quite promising.

    • SHUT UP :(


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