Ch. 17: Listen With Your Heart

December 20, 2010 at 11:31 am | Posted in Generation 4 | 8 Comments

Previous: Hellfire

I feel like I need to make up for my six-month-long vacation by popping up more new chapters.

You’re not going to complain, are you?

GOOD

Anyways, I’ve decided to try my hand at a chapter where I’m not going to cuss AT ALL… I sense disaster.

So, Hercules, how’s the Underworld doing?

Herc: “I wish I could tell you; I couldn’t make it past the River Styx. I think Hades made it clear that I was not welcome.”

Yup. Crystal.

INTERLUDE

Tweedledee and Tweedledum are the creepiest stinking things in the stinking world. Look, even Sim!Crocodile Dundee is terrified.

/END INTERLUDE

I wish I could curse right now. It’s the only way to relieve my annoyance at these darn birthdays. >:K

Poca: “I wish for cake! OH LOOK – My wish came true!”

Phil: “Trust me sweetheart, your butt doesn’t need the extra weight.”

Poca: :|

Alice: “Phillip, let the kid eat what she wants! Poca, when you get to be my age, all of the extra pounds fall off and you can eat anything you like – It goes right through ya!”

Literally.

Herc: “Sports are the best. Especially football. Football is the manliest of all sports, and I’m manlier than the Old Spice guy. You wish you could smell like me, Great-Gramps.”

Reg: “There’s nothing manly about getting the crap beat out of you. Tea parties, now that’s the epitome of manliness, my dear boy.”

Herc: “Yeah, if you have a small dick dingle-hopper.”

Herc: “Oh no! This evil gnome is attacking our home! I must DESTROY HIM” *kicks*

FATALITY

Poca: “Why are you making me do this?”

Because you got the Jack-of-All-Trades lifetime wish and I’m making you.

Poca: “Couldn’t you have picked something else? Dead bodies give me the heebie-geebies.”

No. And you don’t have to handle dead bodies, you just have to clean out bed pans! :D

Poca: “Was that supposed to make me feel better?”

No, but I have something that will!

YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND

Poca: “But he’s ugly D:”

Yessssss

Poca: “Listen, no matter what this crazy lady says, you don’t want to marry me. I’m a drug addict. Seriously, I take about 20 different types of pills a day and wash them down with whiskey. It’s amazing that I haven’t kicked the bucket yet. I’m pretty much a sim version of Anna Nicole Smith.”

Yeah, except not hot.

John (?): “Oh, well… that’s just…”

John (?): “SO relieving! I’m a heroin addict, and I never thought I’d meet someone who has the same problem as me; I feel as if we’re MEANT to be together.” *makes moon eyes*

Poca: “Oh, that’s funny because I don’t feel that way at all.”

*kicks*

Poca: “OW. I MEAN… That is… I, er, feel much more? D:”

Two thumbs up, Mr. Smooth.

John: *eats face*

Poca: *tries not to vomit*

While Poca and John were swapping spit, Phillip turned into a crotchy old man all by himself hahahahahahahhaha

Phillip: “I don’t know what Phillip you’re talking about, but THIS Phillip had a HUGE party that was not just awesome, but EPIC”

orly?

Yup, that looks like a good time. I wish I were you in that picture.

Phillip: “Where did you get that?”

If I told you, I’d have to kill you, and why waste the energy? I know Death’s gonna come round soon, anyway.

Darn. Darn. Darn.

Didn’t you just have a birthday?

Herc: “No. Maybe if you took more pictures of me, it wouldn’t seem like time flew by so quickly.”

Touché. But do try not to kill everyone with a huge Fireball of Death this time.

@*$&)!(*)#!* FRENCH THE LLAMA. Gosh darnit, Hercules, why you gotta be so fiiiiine?

Herc: “I’m the son of the most powerful God in the Universe, duhhh. I’m immune to anything that will taint me.”

Nice try, kid, but that’s Achilles’ story. And you’re not the son of Zeus, you’re the son of Phillip Liddell, World Class Douche Buttface.

Herc: “Oh yeah? If I’m not the son of a God, then how come I can do THIS?” *transforms grapes into flamefruit*

Because your mother is a pyromaniac, and that means you are, too.

Herc: “FFFFFFFFFFFFUU-“

I win.

ANYWAYS, speaking of fruit… (like that segue? No? SHUT UP)

WE FINALLY HAVE A GARDEN!

Or… er… the beginnings of one.

Hercules rolled Green Thumb when he grew up, so I decided now would be a good time get going on this thing after generations of it being a barren pile of dirt. woohoo!

Poca: “… I took a dump in your cereal.”

Herc: *is dying*

Herc: “Nice try, but I haven’t fallen for that one since I was a kid.”

Poca: “Fine, don’t heed my warning. I hope you get e. coli.”

Sibling love <3

D’aww. There is nothing cuter than two druggies in scrubs hanging out in the park at sunset. No siree.

Old Black Guy In Background: “I had love like that once. We went on drug exertions in the evening and then shared needles under the stars…” *sigh*

Soooo romantic.

Poca: “Listen… we’ve been seeing each other for a while now…”

2 days

Poca: “A WHILE… and I was wondering…”

Poca: “Marry me?”

John: “omg yes”

That ring is actually crystal meth in its purest form.

Welcome to the family you ugly oaf.

And… you too… little girl.

This is John’s daughter from his first marriage. I don’t remember what her name was before I changed it, but now it’s Drizella, one of the Evil Stepsisters from Cinderella.

I made a whole new world room for her because I’m a good person and I treat everyone as I would like to be treated. :D (/bullcrap)

Driz: “This food SUCKS. My REAL mom would make me gourmet food all the time when she was alive. But then again, my mom came from a good, wealthy family, not some poverty-stricken trailer trash.”

Poca: “… ouch.”

Drizella: 1; Pocahontas: -1

Driz: “Now, today is my birthday and you have to do everything I say! Starting with cleaning the floors, appliances, bathrooms, bedrooms, and, oh yeah, my buttcrack.”

Poca: “Anything else, your highness?”

Driz: “No, no. Be gone now, lowly peasant. I must make my birthday wish… I wish for…”

Driz: “A RAGING INFERNO! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

Bri: “WHAT THE FU-“

Language.

Bri: “-CK?! I THOUGHT SAMARA KILLED WITH WATER”

What? No, that’s not Samara? Why- Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Um, yeah. She likes to mix it up a little. Speaking of which, you need to die, so why not just jump in there and hurry the process? :D

Bri: “lol. Too late, the fire dept. is here, bi-“

Firewoman: “HOLYMOTHERMARY WHY CAN’T YOU MAKE MY JOB EASY?” *cries*

It’s a legacy. That’s why.

Nice job, Driz, they didn’t see that coming.

Driz: “I know. Now get out of my way, I need to see how beautiful I am- Oh, sorry.”

What?

Driz: “Oh… I just feel sorry for those who are not blessed with good looks as I am.”

… You little mother fu-

*Do dodo do doooooooo*

Fact: That’s how the pregnancy jingle goes.

John: “I saw her nakey. :D”

Poca: *Projectile vomit FTW*

The morning sickness will go away in a flash, I promise.

Poca: “This isn’t morning sickness, I’m nauseous because you let him touch me.”

Meh, it’s the only way to keep this legacy going. I gotta do what I gotta do.

Poca: “Why can’t Hercules be the heir? He’s been swapping spit with Drizella.”

I don’t want to talk about that. Traitor.

Tweedledee, nothing is going to happen to the stove if you keep staring at it like that.

Tweedledee: “Just wait.”

Bri: “Yes, hello, is this the Center for Vermin Control? I have a problem that needs fixing… a gnome problem… What do you mean you don’t get rid of gnomes?… That comes with Ambitions? But we have Ambitions.”

Not at this moment we don’t.

Bri: “Dang it to Hades.”

Aurora: “heeeyyy” *creepy smile*

That’s my repulsed face.

>:K AND THIS IS MY ANGRY FACE. RAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I did not miss this.

I hope you’re happy, Alice.

Alice: “Thrilled :)”

That’s it I’m kicking you out…

… To a PUBLIC CEMETERY! YAY!

I actually planned on doing this for a while because I don’t have a state-of-the-art computer and the ghosts were making my game lag, so I decided to get rid of them… kind of.

John: “Goochie goochie goo, you are sooo ca-uteee! But you’d be even cuter if you were born in wedlock, but your mother has been avoiding that topic.”

Okay we get the picture.

Poca: “Please don’t make me do this.”

And till death do you part!

Poca: *cries*

John: “Is something wrong?”

Of course not, those are tears of joy!

Driz: “omg, Herc, there’s a bug on my leg.”

Herc: “I don’t see it.”

Driz: “It’s there! Get rid of it!”

Herc: “I seriously don’t see anything. Do you want me to get a microscope and check it out?”

Driz: “Don’t be sarcastic with me! You’ll be sorry…”

Bri: “I need to take a piss.”

Uh-Oh. Trouble in paradise? Hmmm. Shame.

Phil: “AH HA! And that’s game point to meeee suckaaa”

Aurora: “I suggest you stop it unless you want this table shoved up your a-“

The women in this family.

So violent.

This is seriously what they do 24/7. All day, everyday. Stupid boring old people.

Poca: “Oh God, I’m having a baby.”

Me too!

Poca: “… Really?”

NO

Next: Cinderelly, Cinderelly

——————————————————————————————–

Yayyyyyyyy! I’m awesome!

… And not actually pregnant. Jus’ sayin.

Soooo overall… No cursing? I detect an

I apologize for the seizure.

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8 Comments »

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  1. Haha, nice job on the new legacy hubby.. he’s pretty.. pretty god-damn-fugly!

    Driz is cool though, awesome choice of names for her :D

    • Hahaha that’s the same thing I thought when I found him!

      Thanks, it was either Drizella or Anastasia, since they are the sisters from Cinderella. I had a feeling that if I chose Anastasia, people would mix her up with the Princess Anastasia from the movie Anastasia, so I chose Drizella. Sounds cooler anyway.

  2. Well, Driz is just proof that the man can produce fugly spawn. Now im sure you don’t get lookers that ugly eveyrday! Does he have parents? Cos he’s not face one so he can’t have been spawned. =) I can tell that bri’s prettyness has finally been drowned out.

    • John is the son of Lucky Perkins, a premade sim that came with Riverview.

      Hopefully her beauty is gone for good! Prettiness is not something I want in my legacy! :K

  3. You netted yourself a mirror-breaker on teh ugly scale.

    Ad may I comment that Poca is also pretty fugly and do not let her anywhere near me.

    • I am quite proud of my accomplishment in securing a legitimate ugly spouse, thank you very much.

      You don’t have to worry about that, she won’t want to go anywhere near you, either. It has nothing to do with you, it’s just that Poca is a socially awkward loser.

  4. Awesome as always. Would you hate me if I told you I think Poca is actually rather pretty?

    ………Yeah. I’m going to go hide now. Perhaps I need my eyes checked. Though she did find herself an ugly man. I just wish Sims 3 wasn’t so lax on the amount of ugly sims.

  5. <3


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