Ch. 7: Heigh-HOE

November 22, 2009 at 5:40 pm | Posted in Generation 2 | 5 Comments

Previous: A Very Merry Unbirthday(s)

ohai. I’m not dead.

I would explain my way-longer-than-usual absence, but it involves explosions, epic sword fights, time travel, and pineapples. And really, why bother with the long story when you already know the outcome is this:

Me. Sitting here. Typing this random made-up crap when I was really watching reruns of The Mentalist.

Oh.

This picture is totally irrelevant to my legacy, but it’s here because it’s hilarious.

Okay, back to this… dumb… yeah…..

I bring you: “Alice in the Landfill” – Alice’s desperate attempt at a sequel.

She never made it there, for the record. She just discovered that the Jones’ have an unhealthy obsession with mood-lite candles.

Alice: “Probably a desperate attempt to rekindle their pathetic sex life.”

I wouldn’t be talking Alice, yours is as dead as Michael Jackson.

Alice: “Woah, don’t bring the King of Pop into this. Have some respect for the dead, bitch.”

Respect for the dead my ass. You know what? Screw you. I’m sorry I didn’t jump on the Michael Jackson band wagon when he died. Making fun of him is still funny and one Michael Jackson burn is equivalent to like eight burns in a row. It’s a fucking octoburn. I will never miss the chance for an octoburn.

D:

I think that face accurately portrays how I am feeling right now. Not even an octoburn can make me happy now.

The Slut proceeded to stand in the living room and stare at Reg while he prepared dinner.

Of course, being the pansy that he is, Reg had to bring a halt to his preparation and burst into tears.

Reg: *SOB* “WHY IS THAT UGLY GIRL WITH THE OVERLY-PLUCKED EYEBROWS STARING AT ME?”

My guess is that she was giving Reg “Fuck Me” eyes because right after The Slut tormented him him with her gaze she went to lie on this bed.

Sex, drugs, and rock & roll, right?

Reg: “What the HELL are you doing? I will not tolerate skanks on my property! I don’t know why you are here, but I DO know that Miley Cyrus has some stripper poles in her house. You should become friends.”

And that was the last time I ever saw that whore again. I do not know what happened to her, nor do I give a shit. She probably went off in search for Miley’s house, but instead came upon a strip club where she was date raped by Don Lothario and contracted AIDS then caught swine flu and died.

A sane and loving person would feel horrible.

I say thank fuck she’s gone.

I think Alice is really missing her life as trailer trash. It’s like she can’t go a day without sticker her head in a trash can. She’s like a demented raccoon.

Redneck: “Wut tha hell is goin on hur? Hunny, get ma shotgun! We’re gonna hav a feast tonite!

HOLY (!#&@$^ What the FUCK is that?

Alice: “It’s a space rock you dumbass. I found it in the Simovitch’s trashcan.”

How the hell would something that big fit in something so small?!

Bri: *Cough* “That’s what she said…”

OHMYFRICKENGOD.

IT’S GRACEY’S BIRTHDAY.

ARE YOU EXCITED?

I’M SO EXCITED.

I JUST SHIT MY PANTS.

THAT’S HOW EXCITED I AM.

/sarcasm

I hate birthdays. They make me want to reach down my eye sockets and tear out my pancreas. I can never think of anything funny to say. It always comes out “This happened, then that happened, and then something popped out of my ass.”

So, yeah. Gracey is a nerd, i.e. – a computer whiz, genius, and excitable.

Nobody likes him.

*Que Jaws music*

Alice: “RAWWWWWWWWWWWWRI’MPREGNANTRAWWWWWWWWWR”

Reg: “HOLY SHIT WTF”

Alice: “Jk lol.”

Reg: *Cries* “Don’t tease me like that. :(“

Alice: “:D”

Gracey is no dumbass.

So he obviously knows that he’s a social outcast and everyone hates him.

Alice: “SHHHHHUUUUSH! There is no reason to state it out loud.”

Uh, yeah, Alice. There is. Gracey needs to know that there is no freaking way that he will EVER make the football team. And even if he does he’ll just be the mascot.

Alice: “The mascot is very important! He intimidates the opposing team!”

Yeah, well, it’s too bad Riverview’s mascot is a fucking sheep. What is he going say? “We’re the Woolies! We’ll knit your sweaters!”

You know what’s intimidating? Sunset Valley’s mascot the Ram. As a half-time performance he rips out a cheerleader’s heart and shows it to her. That’s some crazy shit.

So Brianna grew up and she was sort of… Chubby. That’s why she’s on the treadmill right now. I will not tolerate chubby sims in my legacy – They will get off their lazy asses and burn off all of those calories from those goddamn birthday cakes.

Okay… so maybe I should have left Brianna as a fat ass because she is fucking hot!

HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?

—–

END OF CHAPTER SEVEN.

SEE YOU IN THREE MONTHS! :D

Okay, jkjk. I promise I won’t make you guys wait that long again. That was really bitchy of me and I apologize… Which is why I’m going to throw in a bonus next time!

Since World Adventures came out I’ve been playing my simself and going on some kickass adventures. I’m like fucking Indiana Jones. It’s awesome.

Anyways, some crazy shit happened, and I took some pictures. Stay tuned (wtf?) for next chapter and you might (will) see them. ;)

Next: In A World Of My Own…

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5 Comments »

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  1. You are fucking hilarious.

    That is all.

    • Thanks, I try.
      .. Not really I kind of just write down whatever the fuck I am thinking.
      Yay spontaneous shit. :D

      • Oh my god I have never laughed so damn hard. I was snorting. Thanks, I really needed that!

  2. “Respect for the dead my ass. You know what? Screw you. I’m sorry I didn’t jump on the Michael Jackson band wagon when he died. Making fun of him is still funny and one Michael Jackson burn is equivalent to like eight burns in a row. It’s a fucking octoburn. I will never miss the chance for an octoburn.”

    And don’t ever let ANYONE tell you that you will.

  3. I just realized this isn’t livejournal. Eeep. You can tell I need to get some sleep.

    I haven’t read up to your current story yet, but I plan to. I think you’re hilarious. :) Your sarcasm makes me smile. Plus I love Alice.

    My name’s Miriam, nice to meet you! You’ll hear more from me. Whether you like it or not. :)


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