Ch. 4: Rumbly In My Tumbly

August 17, 2009 at 11:03 pm | Posted in Generation 1 | 9 Comments

Previous: Grim Grinning Ghosts

Four chapters in one day?

Srsly?

Srsly.

In the last chapter we left with Alice and Rainer getting married. (FINALLY) So that means we can started on generation 2! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Obligatory woohoo shot.

I don’t know about you, but I’m freaking excited to see the ugly that pops out of Alice. Ugly brings personality. And personality brings lulz. It’s a win/win situation.

Alice: “What the F**K are talking about? This is a living hell!”

I repeat: It’s a win/win situation! :D

Rainer didn’t bring enough money to support a family when he moved in, so I sent Alice out to do some, um, shopping:

Alice! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? That candle is worth zilch!

Alice: “It’s preeeetty. Plus we need better lighting in that piece of crap you make us live in. So nyah nyah.”

But there is a nice shiny grill just 10 feet away that, when sold, will give you enough money to light up a whole cathedral!

*Is disgruntled*

With the profits that I made from selling the two cars and that goddamn candle (No! I did not let Alice keep it. The bitch.) I was able to give the house a makeover and buy a new stove and TV, with enough left to pay the bills and feel financially comfortable with:

I didn’t buy a crib yet because, well, I forgot to.

The next morning:

Alice: “BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEHSDISFUIAWUJLKFJSAKLDUFADSK”

*Opens mouth to spit out some smart-ass comment*

Alice: “Just shut it, will you?! Can’t you see I’m sick?”

/sigh. Alice, you are so naive.

Rainer doesn’t do anything, like, at all. He just sits on the couch all day trying to max out his cooking skill for his job. You’d think that it would be a blessing seeing as Alice is a handful/pain in the ass alone, but I didn’t marry him into my legacy to be BORING.

Rainer: “Shhh! Could you keep it down? I’m trying to READ.”

Well read this, asshole:

SCREW YOU.

And Alice is pregnant. What a surprise. /sarcasm

Alice: “And to think all this time I thought I just had food poisoning!”

EA should really make a “Dumbass” trait and dedicate it to Alice Liddell.

Rainer: “I don’t mean to be rude, but you’ve gained some weight, Alice.”

Alice: “I’m pregnant, dipshit.”

On a side note: Do you see Rainer’s nose? It looks like that of an anteater’s.

I’M BURSTING WITH SO MUCH EXCITEMENT.

Paul came out again that night.

Alice: “Can you believe that Rainer thought I was getting fat?! The jerk.”

Paul: “He’s not entirely at fault here, you know. Maybe you should lay off the cookies.”

WOAH THAR

As much as I give that diss an A+, it’s best that you don’t piss a hormonal Alice off because I need your troopers, Paul.

Paul: “My name’s Pete.”

No.

Since Rainer was in the bedroom sleeping I decided that this was the perfect time for Paul and Alice to *ahem* get to know each other…

But apparently sims can detect betrayal while they are in another room. Sleeping.

Rainer: “What. The. F**K.”

Paul: “Err… It’s not what it looks like!”

Rainer: “You’re flirting with my wife.”

Paul: “Uh, okay… So it is what it looks like.”

Rainer: “Alice, I’ll protect you from that asshole.”

Alice: “DO NOT WANT”

WHAT?! Wait! Paul – DO SOMETHING!

Paul: “Rainer, she flirted with me first.”

OKAYSTFUYOUDOUCHE.

So now Alice and Rainer are having marital issues. F**k.

To calm the waters I sent Alice out to steal some crap:

Alice: “They would never suspect that a pregnant lady would steal this!”

Uh, Alice, I don’t think they would suspect ANYONE would ever steal that eyesore. It looks like something that belongs in Candi020765’s Sims 3 uglacy.

Homeowner: “OHMYGOODNESS! Honey, some fat blond lady is stealing our van!”

Homeowner’s Husband: “Thank f**k.”

Alice’s handiness skill has gotten high enough that she can upgrade appliances now. I decided to make her update the stove to clean itself because, well, it’s one less thing to clean.

I don’t think whacking it with a hammer is going to do much good.

Alice: “Well, I guess that just goes to show what you know. It’s working perfectly fine. Better than fine, in fact.”

Are those dents supposed to be part of the upgrade?

Alice: “Those dents are the sign of a warrior.”

A warrior that has been in combat with your hammer?

Alice: “Stf-“

Alice: “Ow.”

Alice: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

NEXT TIME:

– BABYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! Is it a boy or a girl?

– GHOST BABY PLZKTHX.

– Will Alice and Rainer realize that love conquers all?

– What will I do with Paul once I get what I needed?

IS THE SUSPENSE KILLING YOU OR WHAT?

Next: The Circle of Life

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9 Comments »

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  1. I love the Alice stories and uglacies! Can’t wait to see the offspring.

  2. Quote Time?

    ‘Alice: “They would never suspect that a pregnant lady would steal this!”

    Uh, Alice, I don’t think they would suspect ANYONE would ever steal that eyesore. It looks like something that belongs in Candi020765’s Sims 3 uglacy.
    (pictures)
    Homeowner: “OHMYGOODNESS! Honey, some fat blond lady is stealing our van!”

    Homeowner’s Husband: “Thank f**k.” ‘

    HA HA. Lols!

  3. Hehe Rainer remlooks like a chipmunk… has anyone said that before?

    • Hahaha, no you’re the first.

  4. G H O S T B A B Y N O M N O M N O M . . .

  5. “Homeowner’s Husband: “Thank f**k.”
    Best. Line. Ever.

    I like this. Lots.

  6. On a side note: Do you see Rainer’s nose?

    Haha. Side. I see what you did there -.-

  7. This:

    Paul: “My name’s Pete.”

    No.

    Awesome. And funny. Fawesome. (Funsome?)

    • I like fawsome, but I think funsome has an equal amount of letters from both words.
      Tough decision.


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